The Organized Person Hidden Within

I like who I am.  I like myself quite a lot.  I feel like I'm a reflective person, who is understanding of my flaws, and who has very much accepted the adult I've become.  I feel like I am caring and kind, I always try to be thoughtful of others, and I appreciate the type of people I surround myself with as friends (also thoughtful, ambitious, supportive, and I love them very much).  I appreciate my relationship with my family, I am lucky for how close I am to so many family members.  I am proud of my relationship with my in-laws.  My husband is my best friend and I feel so lucky for that, too.

There is still this one type of person I wish I was.  Someone I think I've been perceived to be at various times in my life, but I just cannot keep up with it the way I wish I could...

I wish I was truly the hyper-organized person that I think I project I could be.

I wish I was able to have one of those ridiculously, Pinterest-inspired organized homes.  I wish I was all crafty about it, and used space in the most amazing and organized ways.  I wish I had a perfect place for all of my things.

I wish I was better at the scrapbooking hobby I thought I'd try, and thought I'd take off with as a special hobby of my own.  I wish I could organize my photographs and memories into adorable scrapbooks and then store them on shockingly well-organized family room shelves.

I wish I organized meal plans and shopping lists and used cool grocery and menu planning apps to work on having a budget as well as a plan to help with dinners.  I don't wish this as hard as the other things, because Mr. Lock is my amazing personal chef so part of me also just appreciates his role in cooking for the two of us.  But, as we move forward and one day our lives change to being working parents... I will need to step in to deal with meals (so they are earlier in the evening), and so I do wish I had the capability/time management/organizational skills to menu plan and grocery shop in a cool, mom-blogger way.

I wish my classroom was more organized.  I wish I didn't always have piles of paper on my desk just after finally sorting through the other pile of paper that was there.  I wish I had the energy and motivation to stay into the evenings and clean up my classroom and set up amazing centres the night before each school day.

Honestly... I think in various experiences I have had I have given off the impression that I am quite the organized person.  I have the mindset and the wish to be a hyper-organized person.  I can make suggestions for how others can be organized.  I own a million notebooks and and calendars and always want more.  I drool over storage solutions and home design plans to organize spaces...

I just don't quite have the motivation or skill to pull it off well.  I am either too busy, or too tired, to bother.  Maybe if I keep dreaming, I will eventually do better in this area.  (HA! Probably not.)

First House. The joy... but, oh, the stress.

Mr. Lock and I have officially been "homeowners" for one week!  One hectic, crazy, stressful week.  I love our house, LOVE IT.  I love being in it, I'm pleased with our hardwood colour and other décor choices (this was a brand new build so we had to choose the tiles and countertops and such).  It's the mess of unpacking, and having to coordinate so many things right now that I'm finding stressful and exhausting... but it will all get done eventually, and we've organized some of our belongings well enough to make the place liveable, so that's okay.

I'm having a bit of a stress break down, actually.  I think the weekend being a long weekend, and trying to catch up on some sleep, will be helpful.  Between obligations and things to do for work, and the set-up of the new house, and the list of wedding things to accomplish as we head towards the 3 month countdown to the big day.... ahhhh.  It's really getting to me.  The new earlier morning commute and the exhaustion of a week at school that had the 100th Day celebration, skating electives day, and then Valentine's Day... I'm too exhausted on week days to do as much as I've been pushing myself to do this past week.  I need to remember that we're going to live in this house for a long time, and since we aren't working on true interior decorating yet (we're mostly just using anything we had for our condo until we've got some savings/wedding gifts behind us)... well, I guess I need to just learn to let go of some of the house stuff so I can sleep properly at night and not be so worked up after the busy school day. 

Last night my entire body was *buzzing* with anger from stress, I haven't felt that way in a long time, if ever, and it was absolutely horrible.  I don't want to keep feeling that way, so I need to find a way to relax.  I think it's time to make some To Do lists, and then really figure out top priorities and take them one item at a time.

I also think I need to blog/journal more often again, as it is an important way for me to manage my anxieties and reflect on the good moments so I hold onto them longer.    I'm going to try to fix my way of thinking...

- we've had our blinds installed so we have better privacy on the main floor and bathrooms
- though they aren't installed yet (because it's a bit of a nightmare), the washer and dryer have at least been delivered and the installation guy my mom used before has been contacted and the part we need has been ordered
- we have moved a lot of boxes to rooms they need to go to, and we have unpacked a lot of boxes as well.  We mostly only have to work on organizing our basement (well, sweeping the dust and painting the floor) and then we can move our longer-term storage items down there and the whole dining room area will be decluttered.  Not that big of a job and a whole area will be taken care of.
- I've organized the kids I need to give permission forms to for a conference I'm going to in April; this was stressful because I have to take intermediate students and I don't teach any, but I had help from a grade 7 teacher and this has been sorted out.
- My students are so sweet and so nice, and we've had a lovely fun week even if it was crazy busy.
- Valentine's Day seemed to include my students bringing me many gifts of chocolate... chocolate makes me feel a lot better. 

So, first home... definitely some stress... but definitely happy, too... I'll manage with more time and organization to feel more settled in.

What a week!

This is my first week commuting further from work in awhile.  Last weekend, I moved out of the condo and back into my parents house.  I'll be living here for two weeks, and then on February 7th we close on our new house!  So, then we move our stuff AGAIN.  At least right now it is just being stored at our parents' houses, we didn't have to unpack/repack.

I'm having quite the week... first of all, report cards are due Friday and my weekend was so busy that I didn't work on them then.  I've been slowly chipping away at them, working on them when I can during the school day on my prep times, but now I really need to use tonight and tomorrow night wisely to ensure they are finished.  They are A LOT of work.  A LOT.

Secondly, my teaching partner (my DECE) is away, and has been since last Wednesday.  While teaching the whole program myself would be easy enough, it's difficult at this time to have a supply DECE and have all the usual routines thrown off.  I'm used to having my DECE there now, and she has particular things she's responsible for, so it does make it different and a little more stressful for her to be away.  So that's making this week difficult in some ways.

Then, I have crazy stories as far as parking and getting to work on time goes...with this new commute, I didn't give myself enough time on Monday considering the snowy weather and the number of accidents on the way to work.  I left at 7:30 am, which in better weather would have been fine, but I got stuck in traffic and didn't get to the school until 9 am!  I had called ahead, and the DECE started the day and all was fine, but I was disappointed that I ended up being there right at the bell.

THEN... I went out at lunch hour, and I had an expensive ticket on my front windshield!  We don't have enough parking for the number of staff members we have, and so I parked on the street where we've been told we can park.  Turns out, because of the weather, a snow plow had to come by and I got a ticket for blocking the snow plow.  Super annoying since where I work wasn't so snow covered that I would have expected a snow plow, PLUS, I would have had no other option for where to park for work.  I'm so grumpy about this ticket.

Tuesday, I did a lot better.  Left here at 7:10 am, and took a different route, and got to school at 8 am!  So much less stressful.

So, today, I was all ready and went out to start my car at 7:15 am.  Car wouldn't start, dead battery.  I go wake up my dad to ask for a boost, but we can't get the hood of my car open!  Long story short, the release latch for the hood was bent.  We had to call and wait for CAA, and they figured out how to open it and boosted my car.  I quickly took my mom's car to work, and she took my car to Honda for repair -- I'm so thankful for my supportive family!

I ended up calling the school and had someone cover for me for first period because by the time I got to work it was 9:40 am!  What an ordeal.  I would have just taken my mom's car to work right away, but my car was parked across the bottom of our driveway since I'm staying here and there aren't enough parking spaces for all of us, so I was blocking every other car in!

This has been a STRESSFUL first week being out of my condo, which was a five minute drive to work and had a parking garage to protect against the bitter cold.  Not such a great start, but all I can do for now is laugh it off... maybe the universe will be kinder when I move to my new house in a week and a half?

Washing Machine Repair... that wasn't.

Friday night I took the time to finish almost all of my laundry.  I just had a load of sweaters left to wash, which I like to wash on a delicate cycle rather than actually hand-washing (it works for me!).  Sunday evening, I decided to finish off the load of sweaters.

The washing machine filled up with water.

The washing machine went silent.

Well, nearly silent with just a slight whirring noise.

We move out of this condo in less than two months.  C'mon!

We tried moving around the knobs and seeing if it would start up again, nothing.  We decided to email our landlord because we didn't want to be responsible for causing any MORE damage by playing around with the machine.  We aren't experts on washing machines, after all!

Our landlord (who is fantastic), called a repair company the very next morning.  Today a repair person came.  I told him what happened (the washing machine was still full of water since it hadn't drained -- I had taken out the sweaters and ended up doing the hand-washing I was originally trying to avoid).

He moves the knob, pulls it out to start... and the washing machine just starts working.  Starts making normal sounds, swishing the cold, leftover water around.  Draining the water.  Working like nothing is wrong at all.  C'mon!

We had to have someone come, because it isn't like we'd know what to do and there was no way I wanted to keep playing around with it for risk of flooding our eighth floor condo unit... but anyway.  Murphy's Law, isn't it?  Once the repair person is standing there, the blasted thing of course works.

THAT type of teacher? Not I, apparently.

You know, my ambitions were grand when I first became a teacher.  I was going to have THAT classroom -- the well-coordinated, welcoming, colourful, well-organized classroom where little Disney-esque bluebirds flit around your head singing beautiful melodies as you enter the room.

Flash forward, to a mere four years since my teacher's college graduation... and I've already learned that it is NOT all that realistic to be THAT teacher.  It's not realistic to follow those AMAZING ideas you see on blogs for a perfectly colour-coordinated classroom.  It's not realistic to believe that your students will be able to take care of any belongings, shelving, books, ANYTHING LABELLED in any way that will keep your classroom looking organized and gorgeous past the first day of school (even if your kids are TEN-YEARS-OLD in the fourth grade).  It just isn't realistic that every project and note home will have gorgeous, fancy fonts that you can later upload to Teachers Pay Teachers.

Frankly, all those AMAZINGLY PRETTY-AND-UNATTAINABLE-CLASSROOM teachers... I admire them, am jealous of them... but man.  I've already learned that the bar they have set is too high to reach.  Every time I move classrooms, I lose stuff or lose some of my colour-coordination because I need to replace some bins, or other items, and nothing matches from before.  Every year I spend my own money on certain things to "beautify and organize" the classroom, and by October the kids have smashed it, lost pieces of it, stepped on it and left it on the floor.... only to either leave me with messy, ugly used stuff the next year... otherwise having to buy BRAND NEW STUFF after only 10 months of use out of my own pocket.  Forget that.

Also, our caretaking staff barely cleans or dusts ANYTHING, and especially seem to rebel against cleaning furniture or extra carpets that were not originally in the classroom... so unless I just want more stuff to collect dust and dirt, it's not even worth having pretty IKEA things in my classroom.

Frankly, It's OKAY for it to be like this!  I've already learned the importance of work-life balance.  I take my time to keep working at the school until 5 or 5:30 every day -- a nice, typical work day.  When I go home, I try VERY HARD not to bring too much home with me (there's always SOMETHING to do, but I try to keep it small).  I've learned that I am a better, in-the-moment, engaged-with-students teacher when I am putting my 100% effort in during the school day, and am recharging by doing something OTHER than being a teacher in the evenings.  I've learned that I value my kids at school most when I am not really worrying over my classroom being perfectly matchy-matchy.  A lot of you who read this are parents, I bet keeping your kids play areas and bedrooms at times is a hassle... multiply those rooms by having 23 kids of the same age (at least) in them... forget it!  We "tidy up", but we don't have to have matchy bins to do that.

So, while I admire, and am quite jealous, of the insanely well-coordinated, matchy!!!, nature-inspired full-day kindergarten demonstration classroom I saw tonight... forget it.  I'm going to try REALLY HARD not to get worked up over not being able to do the very same thing.

Sometimes, you need to just be REAL, and teach kids in a REAL way... not everything has to coordinate!  So, there's my very blah blog post about my somewhat blah at times classroom.  You know what though, my kids will remember me for the lessons they've learned and the respect I gave them... not for having matching bins and baskets for them to forget to put their stuff in every day.

/END RANT.

P.S.  Unless I get a permanent position elsewhere, looks like I'm in for another change next year - a senior kindergarten/grade one split class (SK/1 they call it).  I'm actually VERY excited to move back down to early learning... bring it on!  It's also the first year our school will have the new Full-Day Kindergarten program, so it will be very interesting!

Fine. Let's get Political.

I don't really want to, I don't want the backlash... but then again... I believe in our cause.

I'm an educator in Ontario.  A member of the Elementary Teacher's Union of Ontario.  Someone asked me why, in plain English, why we are having a political protest day.  Why we are against this Bill.  Here is my reply (edited to make more sense for a blog post).

Bill 115, Subsection 15 (2) - the subsection that puts the government above the Charter of Rights and the Ontario Labour Relations Act. We are fighting because we live in a democracy, and have a voice. We are fighting because the government is abusing its power, and is doing it to us because they know we are compassionate about our students, and they expected us to roll over and take it. This bill sets a precedent that the government can tear up collective agreements, legislate whatever they want, and it's not an appropriate process in a democracy. We are unionized, we have an Ontario Labour Relations Act and it protects our rights to fair collective bargaining. This has been stripped from us. Also, the bill stipulations make little to no practical sense in our schools and school boards -- nothing was written in consultation with anyone truly connected to education or with an educators background. No one even *gets* what most of this stuff will look like, or can explain it to teachers in "plain English". 

We are also using our voice and our opportunity to stand up for the caretaking staff, support staff, administration team, and school board employees -- all of whom are also having contracts imposed on them with little information or evidence of planning to what it means for the future, and whom cannot fight for themselves. We are a village, our schools are full of important people, and we are allowed to fight for our worker's rights to a fair process. 

We have been misrepresented, completely disrespected, and demeaned... and we are good people, in a very special job.  It's so hard to keep hearing that parents are angry they need to spend a day at home with their children... over and over again.  Sorry, but we have a future for your children to fight for.  We are the tip of the iceberg and we will not sit idle -- for all of Ontario.  The thing is, this is all a very human process... and quoting articles doesn't help because nothing is ever reported without bias. I'm bias too, but I'm on the front lines so here's why *I* agree to this protest. I know you will have your own feelings, of course, but you asked so here it is. I'm fighting, as a young teacher, for my future in this profession. I'm fighting so the government can't act like a dictatorship when we have the right to fair process.

Many of you, if anyone is reading this, do not agree or are not on the teacher's sides.  That's fine.  It's not easy to change someone's mind when they are not personally experiencing the whole picture.  I'm not trying to change your minds.  I do hope that any comments on this post will be respectful, as I'm being respectful of you.  Please remember that teachers are human beings.  For full disclosure, before the usual rant and rave begins about my time off and my pay... I am not a permanent teacher yet (I am a long-term occasional who fulfills the role of a permanent teacher while on maternity or sick leave, and am in my position for the full year therefore am on par responsibility-wise with the permanent staff), and for every holiday I receive $0 for that day, so just keep that in mind.  

I do agree whole-heartedly to a political protest.  This is not a union telling us what to do, we have voted and we have stood in solidarity.  This is a bigger beast we are battling than ever before, a significant impact for the future of Ontario will stem from all of this.  

Also, keep in mind.. it's good for you to be angry.  Do, please, get angry!  But then please, turn your anger towards letters and calls and email to your local MPP.  You can even rant about "the teachers", but rant to your MPP.  Ask what they are doing to ease the current education crisis.  Do it.  Anger needs to turn into action in this province.

Okay, that's it.  I really will try not to say anything else about it.  After so many negative comments out there about "those teachers" like we are faceless entities without feelings, I felt I should share something here.  Now I'll go back to movie reviews and light-heartedness.  Carry on.

Parent-Teacher Interviews

I enjoy parent-teacher interviews, in general.  I like meeting parents, I think it's an important part of the teaching job and I don't mind it at all.

However, I teach in a school where a lot of kids have a lot of pressure to "get straight A's".  Well.

I do not just hand out "straight A's" so that's the first problem.

You see, in Ontario... "Meeting Expectations" is a B - or "level 3".  If a child learns everything they're supposed to in the overall curriculum expectations, and demonstrates this knowledge consistently... they are level 3, or B.  To get an "A", or level 4, they have to be EXCEEDING expectations -- this level is typically reserved for children who have a strong aptitude in specific areas.  They may be making deeper connections to the topic they are learning and other subject areas they have learned before, they are writing with a lot of detail above and beyond what you would expect for their age and stage of development.  You don't just get A's anymore in Ontario elementary schools, you get B's.

This is a concept my parent community DOES NOT understand.  The pressure put back on me as the teacher about this point drives me up the WALL.  It's the one part of parent interviews that gives me the biggest headache.

After enough parents being "disappointed" that their child is generally a B-average (AAARGSH!!), I began to reflect.

What is most important in life -- developing good character, learning to set goals and assess them, and learning to process and understand the messages in the media that kids are inundated with these days... or the specific letter grade on a report card when you're 8-years-old?!  I don't care that the parents of my students are only obsessed with final marks... I'm still teaching good character and team-building, because I do think it will help their child be a more successful adult in the long run.  I'm teaching critical thinking skills, inquiry-based learning, and I'm also making the classroom FUN... because students need good social skills and communiciation skills to be successful one day, too.

It's elementary school!

How much of my day is spent dealing with issues because kids are NOT NICE to one another?!  MOST of our day.  MOST.  We have so many lessons interrupted having to deal with recess issues, with issues of bullying.  I won't stand for that behaviour, so I'm taking a pro-active approach -- these kids need to learn how to be GOOD people.  NICE people.  KIND people.

I had some lovely parents too, who got it and were happy.  However, I'm a teacher who cares more about teaching good character, equity, inclusivity, and about managing in the broader world outside the classroom walls, than drill work and easy A's working in a school where parental expectations are skewed and where high academic achievement is the only thing valued.

It's not easy, but for the sake of the kids, I'm keeping up with what I'm doing.  Daily happiness for children... if we want them to be successful, I completely believe they need to learn to be happy, self-confident, and respectful of each other.  I just do.

I'm off to make a cup of tea and try to just de-stress!  I hate assessing 8-year-olds with letter grades, just sayin'.

Bell TV: A Rant

I posted a few Tweets in a row last night, ranting about Bell Canada and their TV services.

They make me want to pull my hair out of my head and scream, frankly.

I grew up always having Bell home phone and Bell Internet, but Rogers TV.  We never bundled, don't really know why.  When I moved to my condo, I was in the great Bell vs. Rogers debate... looking through some flyers and trying to research online.  I did not want to pay an arm and a leg for my phone/Internet/cable.  Just as I was moving in here, Bell came around offering a fantastic deal -- no install fees, no rental on the cable box (for a year, it turned out, but whatevs).  I ended up going ahead and getting Bell, and doing a bundle with my Internet (the lowest the could offer, low bandwith FTL but I am but me and rent ain't cheap either) and a Home Phone (also the lowest plan possible).

I have despised my Bell TV since the beginning.  Growing up with Rogers, you had everything even in the second lowest package.  You had HGTV, TLC, Food Network, TSN and Rogers On Demand.... and, okay, you can pay a lot for additional programming... but at least you get a lot of the great basics included.

What was this Bell crap?  I got a ton of radio stations, and like CBC.  ALL I WATCH IS HGTV, TLC, AND FOOD.  Sure, I watch regular shows, but I PVR them for weekend viewing and watch Sweet Genius otherwise.

So, I instantly looked up what I had to do to get my HGTV and TLC and Food Network.  Wouldn't you KNOW IT?  This would involve adding totally different packages to my bill.  At least they offered a bit of a deal, and I got three packages for the price of two or something or other.  Whatever, at least I could watch all the Iron Chef America I desired.

Honestly?  I probably have Food Network on my TV 90% of the time my TV is on.  When I'm back at my parents' house I mostly watch stuff On Demand, so you can bet your ass I miss that too.

I got a notice that there's a promo on right now for TMN and HBO, and it prompted me to take a peek at my Bell account online, because I wanted to see what programming packages I had again and see if there were any changes I wanted to make.  

Whoa!  I was a bit blown away.  There are WHOLE NEW package options on the Bell website!  And, frankly, they look much better.  For the "Select" package, which would cost very close ($2 difference) to what I pay now... I could get additional programming I don't currently have.  Such as TSN for Mr. Lock, for example (if you can believe it, I have ZERO sports channels right now... the poor man).

But then, FORTUNATELY BEFORE I CLICKED "YES, CHANGE MY PACKAGE!", I saw the HORROR OF HORRORS.

Food Network is NOT INCLUDED in the "Select" plan.  Oh NO.  BELL is too EFFING SMART for that.  They KNOW... they KNOW... just how to "GET YOU".  My BELOVED Food Network... is in the next package higher.  The one that works out to EIGHTY DOLLARS A MONTH.

I cannot pay $80/month for my TV programming... ARE YOU KIDDING ME.  Not just to get Food Network.  Not when Rogers gives you HGTV, TLC *AND* Food Network in it's $56/month package.

So, I tried to call Bell.  I never call companies, I'm not a complainer...  I tried to ask... how do I get my precious Food Network?  Can I not even just order Food Network as an add-on with a bit of a lower than $15 extra per month on my bill?!   The answer seems to be a firm, No.  You "used to be able to order specific channels".  Now?  You must order a package.  But DON'T FRET!  The new "Select Package" at least has other great programming like YTV included!  Spongebob and Good Luck, Charlie will NOT placate me after I miss Chopped, not ever.

DOOM AND GLOOM, people.  That is all I will feel if I do not have Food Network.  Seriously.  It's ALL I WATCH.  Fortunately, FORTUNATELY, I did not submit any changes, and I still have my old plan.

All I have to say though?  If they don't give me Food Network at a more affordable rate.... the minute I move out of this place, I am switching back to Rogers.

Damn you, Bell.  Honestly.  This girl needs her Food Network, and I am so not giving in to your scheme to try to get $15/month extra out of me.

/yes, yes, "spoiled white girl problems".  Remember that a lot of my time is spent being very kind and charitable, kthx.