#PandemicBaby - Part 2

Trigger Warning: This post references fertility, miscarriage, pregnancy loss. Please be mindful if these are topics that are personally upsetting or produce anxiety for you -- you are not alone.

So where did we leave off?  Since May 2014, I had been trying to become a mother. Three miscarriages, and then my amazing rainbow baby Nate was born in January 2017. In attempting to give him a sibling, we had another miscarriage and then I suffered a ruptured ectopic pregnancy and lost a Fallopian tube. But I wasn't quite ready to give up yet.

I went back to the fertility specialist I had worked with before having Nate. Running many tests, we once again could not determine reasons for my pregnancy losses. The only thing we discovered is that my egg count is low for my age -- and now that I had this test twice over a few years, he could see it was dropping at a higher rate than the reasoning to just be "you were born with less" or something of that nature. So we couldn't know for sure, but the best guess we could have was that my egg count being low could mean my egg quality is low and so it's genetic bad luck if it just isn't a healthy egg being fertilized.  I went back to taking co-enzyme Q10 (forgot to mention in my last post, I had taken that before my one successful pregnancy) as there's some research that supports it as a supplement that promotes egg health for women.

I then began the discussion about getting onto a waiting list for funded IVF. In our province, we can receive one government funded round of IVF (doesn't cover the medications, but my work plan would). It's a long waiting list, however. So, I wanted to be sure to get onto the list knowing it would be a year or more before we were called for our IVF cycle.  I wasn't ready to get pregnant too soon after the ectopic, I had some emotional stuff to work through, but I didn't want to miss a chance to be on the list sooner than later -- especially since the fertility doctor had concerns about my egg quality and how many he may be able to harvest.

He was also concerned that I was "flinching" too easily during exam and internal ultrasound. So, before he would put me on the IVF waitlist I had to go to pelvic physiotherapy first.  So I began some physio around February 2019.  I went for multiple sessions, and learned how to relax my anxiety related to gynecological tests and it was enough to satisfy the fertility doctor. So in April 2019, he added my name to the IVF waiting list.

I relaxed -- we weren't going to try to get pregnant naturally, as I was fearful of another ectopic pregnancy and losing my only remaining tube.  I was going to wait and attempt IVF, and if it didn't work we were going to throw in the towel and move on enjoying our lives as parents of an only child.

Fast forward to August 2019. Just after being home from a vacation.

Yes, we got carried away LITERALLY ONE TIME and didn't use protection.

And yes, I found myself staring at a positive pregnancy test at the end of August.

I was surprised -- one Fallopian tube and it still worked!  I was elated -- this is the best I could hope for, a natural pregnancy.  I was freaking out with anxiety.  I just hoped it wouldn't result in another ectopic or miscarriage... I didn't think I could take another one.

Miracle of miracles, the pregnancy continued on and progressed very well. I was nervous for EVERY ultrasound, but we made it through each one seeing a strong heartbeat and normal measurements. It was just like when I was pregnant with Nate -- things just seemed to go well. I showed much earlier, and had some pelvic pains and tension, and there was some additional work stress that I had to manage -- but everything else was going really well.

We found out at our 19 week ultrasound, after giving a post-it from the technician to our friends so they could help us find out in a fun way, that we were expecting a second baby boy.  Our second little miracle boy.

So now... we are excitedly looking forward to his arrival... and yet, we've been his with this Global Pandemic. A lot of hospital protocol has changed -- we have paid close attention to what we need to do. We have been staying completely quarantined since March 17th so we know we are not ill in any way before going to the hospital (if Mr. Lock had any exposure to a positive case, he would not be allowed in with me for the delivery).

So, my miracle pregnancy that was going oh-so-normal.... is now resulting in me delivering this baby DURING A PANDEMIC.

I get it, Universe. This was already going to be our absolute last pregnancy, but we really get the message now. We done!

Looking forward to being able to share a happy bit of news when baby boy #2 arrives -- any day now on his own (though I feel that isn't likely) or on April 14th when I'm scheduled for a c-section.

Fingers crossed everything goes well, and we can safely deliver our #pandemicbaby AND that Mr. Lock can stay with me in the hospital for my short stay following the c-section surgery.

#PandemicBaby - Part 1

Trigger Warning: I am going to be blogging about fertility, miscarriage, pregnancy loss. I hadn't documented my parenthood journey on my blog before, and it feels like it's an important part of my life and history that I would like to write about. I recognize -- oh, I fully understand since I have been through it myself -- this can be a difficult subject for some to read about, so please take care of your mental well-being if this topic may trouble you.  Please just also know, you are not alone.

I suppose it's time to mention the Big Deal that's happening for my family during this pandemic. We're about to welcome our second baby boy into our family.  I have a scheduled c-section on April 14th.

Yep. I'm about to have a baby during a global pandemic. (Wut. OhGodWhy?!)

It seems almost fitting, so for this first post I am going to go back and describe my challenging journey into parenthood.

I have always wanted to be a mother. I was that little girl playing house and mothering my dollies, I was a caregiver to my young cousins at our family cottage, I was a local baby-sitter to neighbourhood kids as soon as I was 12 (um, do people trust 12-year-olds to baby-sit anymore??) I was always nurturing. I loved kids, and I always dreamed of the day when I was a mommy myself. I always wanted a big family -- 3 or 4 children.  I used to wish I could just be a stay-at-home-mom.  I love my career as primary teacher; with today's economy an at-home parent is not as feasible, but I do love my career and that I get to work with children so that works well for me.

My fertility journey, however, was not as simple as I hoped. Which is a familiar story for so many these days -- I'm certainly not unique in that.  I got married just before turning 29, and while we tried to get pregnant right away it took about nine months of trying before I got a positive pregnancy test.

However, unfortunately, that resulted in an early miscarriage at 7 weeks (it was a "missed miscarriage" -- I thought I would have been 9 weeks along, first ultrasound yielded the sad result). I had a D&C. Over the next year, I went on to have two more miscarriages (one at 10 weeks - which I miscarried naturally and painfully at home, and a very early loss at 5 weeks). I was now in the world of an identification of "recurrent miscarriage" and was sent to see a fertility specialist. We could never find a reason for the losses, so likely just some genetic bad luck (but nothing that came out on blood work for my husband or I that indicated specific genetic risks).  We worked with the specialist for cycle monitoring, and then in May of 2016 we got another positive pregnancy test -- and finally, FINALLY (taking baby aspirin daily and progesterone) this was a successful pregnancy.

My first, and much wished for baby boy, was born on January 30, 2017.  Fortunately very healthy, a very normal pregnancy with no complications. He was late -- so at 41 weeks I was induced.  Pushed and pushed and he wouldn't come out, so he resulted in a c-section.  We've had three awesome years so far with our very funny, intelligent, and curious little man. For the blog I will give him the pseudonym of Nate (it was our other baby name for him that we didn't end up using, haha).

Since the pregnancy ended up going so well, we were hopeful that maybe we would be able to add to our family naturally.  When we were ready, we were able to get pregnant again without returning to the fertility clinic (I had conceived naturally in the end there anyway just with cycle monitoring), and my own family physician prescribed me progesterone like I had used before and I began the baby aspirin. Things were going very well.  We got through to 12 weeks, no spotting, and having seen the heartbeat at 8 weeks and heard it in my doctors office at 10 weeks.  At 12 weeks, 3 days I had my next ultrasound.

Sadly, it was another loss. The baby had grown to 12 weeks exactly and then the heart stopped. I miscarried in the hospital with medication to induce it (misoprostol).  I was very scared to miscarry at home because of what I went through when I had the 10 week loss before, so fortunately at the time the hospital could admit me and let me go through the process there with some pain management ready if I needed it.  This was a very difficult miscarriage to work through emotionally, though I'd been down that road before. It was the longest pregnancy I'd gone through before miscarrying and it really seemed things were going well. Once again, we didn't have a reason for the loss other than a genetic abnormality that was poor luck and it just wasn't meant to survive.

Six months later, I felt ready to try again. I just didn't feel "one and done" -- I was no longer hoping for three or four children, but I did want to continue to attempt to give my son a sibling while I was within child-bearing years. I wanted to know I'd tried all of my options before moving on, so that I didn't have regrets years down the road.

I ended up having a strange occurrence -- I didn't think I was pregnant, but then my period was a little late. I had a faint positive pregnancy test, but I started to bleed like a period. It seemed very much like the third miscarriage I had before having Nate -- it was just a very early loss.  It was over New Years Eve, so I hadn't been to my doctor about it.

Then, on January 2nd just as everyone began to return to work (but I was home alone with an almost 2-year-old Nate, as I was still on school break from teaching), my bleeding changed and I began to have a sustained pain on my right side. The pain was getting slightly more intense, and I nearly fainted just after I had laid Nate down for his afternoon nap. I had messaged my husband to let him know something was wrong, but when I nearly fainted I called 911.

Paramedics arrived -- I think in the process of talking to the 911 operator I fortunately worked through some anxiety and I didn't end up fully fainting. They checked my blood pressure, and I explained that I was having an early pregnancy loss but this was different than I'd experienced before. I had already asked my friends who lived locally to please come to my house to help with Nate in case I had to go to the hospital, since it would take Mr. Lock about an hour to get back into town from where he worked. It was a strange experience. I couldn't just leave the house -- I had a toddler asleep upstairs -- but the paramedics weren't really helpful and just ended up asking me to sign a thing that I wasn't going to come with them, but they advised me to go to the emergency department as soon as I could.

Honestly, it was very odd to me (my first time ever having called 911 for help to my home) and I wasn't that impressed by these two men who seemed to know nothing about what to do about a woman talking about a miscarriage. It was not what I expected.

My friends got to my house shortly after the paramedics left. While her husband stayed home for Nate, my best friend took me over to Emergency and waited with me until Mr. Lock could get there. My mother-in-law came to stay at our house to relieve my friends of staying there.

In the end -- it was a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. I was bleeding internally.  I was taken into surgery that night, and lost my right Fallopian tube.

So now, I had a history of four miscarriages and one ectopic pregnancy. I was beginning to feel it was becoming hopeless that I could have a second baby and give my son a sibling.

But I also felt resolved not to give up all options, because again -- I didn't want to have regrets a decade from now if I didn't make sure to follow-through on the different ways I could have added to my family IF it was possible during my child-bearing years.

Part 2 will follow up tomorrow... 

Goals for 2015

I am the worst with resolutions.  I like to try to come up with some, but I never really remember them.  I generally lead a life I'm happy with, though, so it really doesn't negatively effect me.  I will write down two goals I have for the beginning of 2015 anyway!

1.)  Painting our House/Decluttering

We will have lived here for a year as of February 7th.  This means we will be submitting one last report for anything we'd like our builder to repair before the 1-year anniversary.  We have some nail pops in the drywall and a couple of other little things, but mainly we've been happy with this place.  After the 1-year stuff is repaired, we would really like to paint the main areas of the house.  Builder's paint is very low-quality and gets marked up easily.  I'm also tired of the house being all the same, off-white colour.  It will be nice to paint and spruce up the walls, then finish some of the decorating we've been holding off on knowing we'd have to move things around again to paint.

Decluttering still needs to happen around here, too.  We have a huge pile of empty boxes in our basement that we just left there after we moved in.  Time went by pretty quickly and we never broke down the boxes for recycling.  We really need to work on reorganizing our space down there (it's an unfinished basement, but I'd like it to be a bit more organized for storage).  We also need to deal with some messy areas in our home office and guest bedroom (which has become quite the drop spot for things I just don't know what to do with!  Oops!).

2.)  The obligatory fitness goal.

I belong to Goodlife Fitness, and I've been proud of myself for going to the gym with my friends fairly regularly for the Body Pump class.  I really enjoy the class, and it is a great way to lift weights since I'm not confident enough for weight training without the guidance of a trainer.  Before my wedding, I was on a roll and was actually going to the gym 2 - 3 times a week (Body Pump, Zumba, and one more day just to go on the elliptical or treadmill for 45 minutes to an hour).  My goal is to get back to at least a regular twice a week gym schedule; but even better would be adding that third work out each week.  I would like to go to Body Flow (the yoga/pilates/tai chi class).  If I could do Body Pump, Body Flow, and an additional cardio work out I would feel really great.

D is for.... Dance!

I was a bit late, but it's still April 4th, so I'm still getting my post in for today!  Phew!  Today is a bit of a hard day, because it's the anniversary of my grandfather's passing... I was very close to him, he lived in my household with me from the age of two so he was more like a second father than just a grandpa.  I cannot believe that it has actually been NINE years since he passed, it still feels like just yesterday.  I still miss you, Poppa.

On a happier note, my actual post for today isn't about D for Death... it's about D for Dance!  So, I'd rather focus on that!

My mom and I had been talking for years about taking an adult beginner's tap dancing class for exercise and something fun to do together each week.  We both needed a way to get active, and we had both been tap dancers as children (I only did tap for a couple of years at around age 7 and 8, my mom was a tap dancer through her teens and into her early 20s!).  Finally, we took the plunge and signed up for a class.  We began last September.

We are LOVING IT.  To the point where we've actually added a second class, so now we go to tap dancing every Tuesday and Thursday for an hour each.  It is amazing exercise!  It is so fun to move to the music, and tap away on our shoes, and just laugh and have a good time together.  There are five of us in our Tuesday class, and just three of us on Thursday.  We are all having so much fun.

Dancing has always been my favourite way to get exercise.  I was a ballerina from ages 3 to 16, did tap, jazz, and hip hop dance classes throughout that time, too.  In University, my friends and I signed up for  a session of hip hop dancing which was a blast.  I also love, love, love going line dancing with my friend Amanda who writes at Multi-Testing Mommy.  We aren't afraid to hop down onto the dance floor and follow along with the much more expert line dancers on a Saturday night.  It is so fun if you can release your inhibitions and just dive in!

For Christmas, I received a Kinect for Mr. Lock's X-Box, and the game Just Dance 4.  I live in a small space, but I've found a way to make the game work for me, and I work up a huge sweat following along to the dancers!  I end up dancing away an hour or more without even thinking about it -- it is just so enjoyable.

I'm just so happy to still have dance in my life!  I'm not great about going to a gym to work out and use the machines, so dance is my best way to burn calories and keep in shape.  I've actually lost 5 pounds since starting my tap classes, which makes me feel a bit more toned and happy about my body.  I hope my mom is up for continuing our tap classes again next fall!

C is for... Curing Cancer

I am so, so pleased that this year I am once again walking for The Weekend to End Women's Cancers.  This charity is to raise funds for cancer research as done by the Campbell Family Institute at the Princess Margaret Hospital in Toronto, Ontario.  This is a top five cancer research centre worldwide, and the event is massive.  The funding goes towards research, clinical enhancements, as well as survivorship programs.  This will be my team's third time walking in four years... last year we missed the event for Quin's wedding day, but made a sizeable donation to another walking team we knew.

Through donations to support our walking team in our past two walks, The Couch Potatoes for the Cure, we have raised over $12,000 for this amazing research centre -- and not only for breast cancer research, but for important gynaecological cancer research as well.  We pledge to walk 35 km in the one-day walk (one year we did the full 60 km two-day walk, but now we're back to one... 35 km is still a good long walk, though!).  We pledge to raise at least $1250 EACH, though of course we will keep adding to our total donations until the big event. 

In 2004, my great-aunt (mom's aunt/grandma's sister) passed away of cancer that began as ovarian cancer before spreading around her body.  We were there for her during her journey and battle, and I have her in my heart whenever I talk about this big charity event, my big fundraising event each year now.

There are a few special links I'd like to share.  I just came across this blog, "The Battle We Didn't Choose", which includes a series of photos of a woman who was diagnosed with cancer five months after getting married, and then who unfortunately passed away four years later.  The photographs are heart-wrenching, I warn you, but there is such good intention behind showing the reality of this horrific disease and the empathy we need to build for families going through these experiences.

There's a wonderful website for ordering fundraising or breast cancer awareness items run by a lady in Toronto, it's called Think Pink Direct.  You can also "like" them on Facebook here.  I ordered a batch of pink ribbons for fundraising this year, and the service was quick and wonderful and very personal.  Randy herself was unfortunately diagnosed with breast cancer this March and was fortunately able to work with the wonderful doctors at Princess Margaret to have a very successful surgery.  After 10 years (this will be the 11th of the walk), she is now going to be walking as a "survivor".

I am so proud of my team and our work raising money for this research centre, I believe in the good work the doctors at the Princess Margaret Hospital are doing.

If you could be so kind as to donate to our walking team, you can donate online directly to me here: Stephanie's Personal Page

You can donate to another member of my team by selecting any name off of our Team Page, here: Couch Potatoes for the Cure Team Page.

Anti-Bullying

I'm only just catching up on some of these stories about Amanda Todd, the poor girl in British Columbia who made a few mistakes at an extremely young age, and was then tormented to the point of suicide.  I am shocked, saddened, and appalled by the accounts of what happened to this young girl.

The fact is, bullying happens all the time.  It always has.  I'm a good person, and yet I feel guilt to this day because I know in the sixth grade I was sucked in with my peers, and I too treated a classmate poorly.  I was not the instigator, but I certainly laughed when everyone laughed, and didn't make a move to stop anyone from treating this boy like crap.  I'm just glad to know that as he grew up, he married and has a great job and is doing well.  We were later somewhat in the same group of friends, so I hopefully have redeemed myself since.  I also use it as a lesson learned, and try to live my life as respectful, supportive, kind, and loving to others as I can.  However, especially being in the job I'm in now as a teacher, I still do regret being a Mean Girl age at 11, even just the little bit that I was.  Age ELEVEN, before I could even really control myself, and I still have regrets.  I'm sorry I ever laughed when the others laughed, I'm so sorry about that.  I still did it then, and it's just reality.  I'm a very GOOD PERSON, and yet I cannot let go of this memory of a mistake from my childhood.

You know what?  I'm not perfect, and absolutely nobody is.

Bullying is just made so much worse now by social media, by people being able to say and do whatever they like while hiding behind a computer screen.  It is so disappointing that kids are using the Internet this way, that they are somehow missing important education about appropriate online behaviour.

Let's face it though... there has always been mean words between kids and teens, and even adults.  Always.  This isn't an excuse for it, but it is reality.  We need to keep working with our children and students all the time about the fact that words and actions hurt, but even while doing that... once they are together in a peer group and "survival of the fittest" kicks in for popularity reasons... mean words and actions take over.  We need to consider how we live our own lives at adults... what are we modelling in front of kids?  Are we ranting and raving about people in our life and how much we dislike them?  If so, your kids are going to school with the mindset that they can also rant and rave about people, which then gets the mob mentality going with their friends, which then turns in to bullying.  

We need to teach the following lessons to kids, from the moment they are born:

1) We are all UNIQUE and it is BETTER for human beings to be unique.  So stop tormenting others just because they are different from you!  I teach my students the following: "If we were all the same, life would be so boring!  What would we talk about?!" -- my students repeat this, and seem to "get it" at least a bit.  We have a very multicultural classroom, and there has been nothing negative said ever about cultural differences for example -- so this is working at some level, at least about race (a start).  We don't HIDE our differences, we celebrate them.

2) Every single human being has the right to be respected.  They have the right to be "who they are", because we need all kinds of people to do all kinds of different jobs in our world.  We are not to make someone feel poorly about who they are, because there is a special place and a reason for them to be in our lives.

3) It is OKAY not to love everyone around you.  You know what, we can't all agree all the time, and we will have different opinions.  This is actually OKAY.  HOWEVER... it is how we react in the moment towards that person that matters.  If you do not love someone, you still need to be respectful.  Then, you may go about your life without them in it later on.  You have to get through the moment so that the other person never realizes you don't absolutely love them.  Then, let them live their separate life from yours however they see fit.  You don't have to LOVE everyone, but you cannot be disrespectful of them because this is a big earth and you can simply be separate later on.  You can achieve this while still being nice in the moment.

This is a lesson teenagers do not understand.  They are in their own bubble, and they cannot leave their peers alone... let's start to remind them, they do not have to be in those peers' lives forever... they will form their own groups, own families, in their own locations.  For now, they just have to get through high school and then they can explore the much bigger, wider world beyond it.

If we fake it, and teach kids that "you must like everyone", we are actually not helping the problem.  This is when kids are much more sneaky, when they cyber-bully and write mean notes.  Let's just be HONEST... No, they will NOT like EVERYONE they meet.  OF COURSE NOT.  BUT, it is how they treat them in the moment that will matter most.  It is still about letting that other person live a normal, happy life regardless of if you personally love who they are.  It is just about leaving others alone.  You don't have to become their best friend and call them every day, but you are not allowed to outcast them in a harmful way either.  There is something called "tact", and I believe we should be teaching "tactfulness" to children -- it will help them immensely as adults.  If Amanda had of been left alone when she went so far as to CHANGE SCHOOLS multiple times, then her past may have been forgotten.  Those teens in her life should have learned how to just let her be -- let's unfriend some people on Facebook!  Let's stop having so many random people from our past be a part of our life now, especially harmful or rude people.

4) People make mistakes and those mistakes should be allowed to be forgotten.  Even if you dislike what the person did, even if you want to gossip about it, it was a mistake by that person.  Mistakes happen all the time, and each and every one of us will do something embarrassing or silly at some point in our lives.  No one is immune to a mistake. A mistake should be able to be learned from, and then there should be the opportunity for it to disappear.  Unfortunately, the Internet is storing all of these mistakes.  These are now following people, tormenting people, and no one can escape their past.  What a strong message to teach pre-teens and children about the use of Facebook -- your past will follow you EVERYWHERE, LIFE-LONG.  We need to teach our children that they are not perfect little flowers.  We are doing our children a disservice if we make them believe they are immune to making embarrassing mistakes themselves.  We need to teach EMPATHY, and that they could have just as poor an experience as someone else, and how would they feel if they were never allowed to forget their mistakes?!

We also need to all remember that things that children and pre-teens do are all learning experiences.  They are experiments with growing up, with how life works, with what rules and responsibilities they have out there.  If a 12-year-old is allowed to be on the Internet unsupervised, they just might do what Amanda did.  I bet there are thousands of pre-teens around the globe experimenting online this way.  Truthfully?  They are not yet at a mental capacity to think that those choices at age 12 will follow them through their lives.  We need to start the conversation VERY YOUNG about how the Internet works, to try to build this capacity.

Let's get started immediately.  First, teaching compassion and to just leave others alone sometimes, and secondly, about the power and harm of the Internet and social media.  Let's model appropriate behaviour, build empathy, and teach our kids that no one is perfect so WHY do they think they have the right to treat someone else so poorly?!  Let's build a global community based on the simple foundation of mutual respect.

I fully believe these lessons, and regret that at age eleven I laughed when my peers laughed at that boy.  I'm trying to right the mistake I made as a child, by helping others to hopefully NOT join in like I did... to realize the error of their ways.  It will start with the adults, the teachers, the parents -- kids and teens are not yet thinking about their actions on a global level, they are not at the mental capacity yet, we need to build that capacity.  Please do your part to help.

Becoming a "Norwexer" {Review}

I am so excited about some new products I've purchased -- yes, purchased.  This is a product review, but it was for products that were recommended to me, and that I purchased myself.  I just love them so much I want to write about them, haha.  Is that rare in today's world of blog reviews?  Oh well!

I have been using Norwex cleaning cloths for a couple of months now.  I wanted to give them a good try before writing about them, so I could share how I really felt.  Well, I am just in love!  I ordered a starter set of items from Norwex consultant Mandy Kuelz (visit Mandy's Green Vision to order for yourself!).  I ordered the "Household Package" which includes an antibacterial microfiber EnviroCloth, an antibac Window Cloth, the antibac Dusting Mitt.  I ordered an additional EnviroCloth, the dishwashing liquid, and the Power Plus laundry detergent.  Mandy was so sweet, she included a Veggie & Fruit Scrub Cloth with my order to review.

Cleaning the windows!  Streak-free shine!

Well, this is LOVE, people.  Absolute LOVE!

Mr. Lock was totally on board with ordering and using these cloths because he is not a fan of using chemical cleaning products, and he'd rather just wipe the kitchen and other areas down with a cloth and good old fashioned water -- these antibacterial microfiber cloths are the perfect compromise between my desire for antibacterial cleaning and his desire to not use chemical cleaners (a desire I've been feeling more and more on board with myself).  The dusting mitt is AMAZING, our condo tends to get very dusty and our dark furniture is no help in hiding it.  With the dusting mitt, the dust clings so well and doesn't just fly back up in the air only to land again seconds later.  This is a BIG DEAL to me, as one of my personal pet peeves is watching the dust settle back down as soon as you finish wiping a surface.  My Norwex dusting mitt?!?! -- THE BEST.

I love you, dusting mitt.

I've gotten great use out of the Veggie & Fruit Scrub Cloth, and am so grateful to Mandy that I have one now!  It is regularly used to wipe my fruit, and I like that it has one abrasive side and one softer side, it works wonderfully to remove dirt and debris, and I often use it to gently dry fruit I've just rinsed off with water -- and I then have less of an environmental impact because I've stopped my terrible practice of ripping off a small piece of paper towel to dry my washed fruits and vegetables (I know, I was terrible before, I am changing my ways, honestly!).

Blurry shot, but oh well.  This is the fruit and veg scrub cloth in my kitchen!

When I am using my Norwex products I feel more eco-friendly, healthier overall, and inspired to continue looking for ways to eliminate harsh chemicals from my household cleaning routine.  After a few months of cleaning my kitchen exclusively with a Norwex antibac EnviroCloth, I can report I feel totally safe from food bacteria and that my kitchen is coming out clean and spotless with such a low environmental impact!  I'm also saving money over time, now that I've stopped having to purchase cleaning products.  What a win!

The EnviroCloth, pure magic!

Essentially, everything I've ordered I love to use.  I'm going to be contacting Mandy again, because I would like to include some more Norwex products in my life -- including the smaller sized travel pack of EnviroCloths, as when I was recently travelling I realized how awesome they would be to carry with me!  I am drooling over the catalogue right now!

If you would like to contact Mandy and become a Norwexer too (and you really should), you can visit her website: Mandy's Green Vision , or find her on Twitter: @_greenmandy , or on Facebook: www.facebook.com/mandysgreenvision .

I do also need to send a shout out to Amanda from MultiTestingMommy.com, as she was the one who inspired me to get started with Norwex products.  Thanks so much, MTM!

The Final Four Weeks of the School Year...and a sick day!

I took today off work.  I woke up yesterday with a sore throat, and despite getting a great sleep I was tired ALL DAY.  I just felt "off".  I decided to go ahead and plan for a supply teacher, bring home lots of work to do here for report cards, and just call it in.  I'm glad I did.  My throat and ear are sore today, I'm congested and even though I slept in... well, I'm very tired out!  Ah well.  That's what sick days are for, these things happen.  I just find it so challenging to be away from my class, because I always build my lessons on the previous day.  However, I need to realize that we have a whole school year together and I do so rarely call in sick... if I have to do it, it's better for all of us that I do it, and it isn't a wasted day for them, they'll survive.

There are so many lessons like that to learn when you are a new teacher who has a lot of passion for your job!  I can be very hard on myself, but it's just because I want to do my very best for my kids every day.  However, they are in good care when the supply teacher comes in, and I need to know they can get through a day without me.

Anyway, I'm going to work hard today on report cards.  I haven't begun yet, but after I make myself a cup of tea and a little food, I'm going to dive in.  I'll take some Advil for my throat and see how it is later on today.  I'm not sure it's "go to the clinic" sickness yet, so for now I'll wait it out and drink fluids and vitamin up!

I'm happy with my progress on the report cards this term.  I think I found a rhythm for completing them, and it's really helping me stay on schedule.  I like to write them with a lot of individualization, but for some subjects there are some repetitive comments to make.  This happens mostly because you are reporting on a specific curriculum taught, so of course you have specific things to say about what children can and cannot do based on that curriculum, and it does overlap for some students.  I always work in MS Word, though, so that even if I do occasional copy and based a general comment, I always add something personal for each subject area and then edit the entire comment paragraph for each child in a personalized way.

I have to report on eight curriculum areas, and then the general learning skills section, for twenty students (twenty-two in Social Studies and Science).  It takes A LONG TIME the way I do it, but now that I'm finding my stride it is working out well.

It's a lot of work, these new report cards in Ontario, and I do hope parents are reading the entire things!  I know my co-workers and I put in a huge effort on these, and I hope other teachers in other schools do as well!

I cannot believe these are the last four weeks of this school year!  The fourth to last week is the Report-Card-Writing-Palooza as they are due to our Principal a week from Friday for his approval.  We have a P.A. Day this Friday, which is devoted to assessment and reporting.  It's a day we definitely need to ensure these things get done.  It can take three or more hours per subject to have individualized and thoroughly written report cards.  Let alone doing it while continuing to plan high-quality lessons up until the very last day!

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I am going to thoroughly miss these students when this school year is over.  I have really, really enjoyed this class. They are just such a great bunch of kids!  I get along famously with their parents as well (so important!).

My friend and co-worker said to me one day, "But you will ALWAYS feel like that!  You are that type of person who likes any kid who crosses your path, and even ENJOYS teaching the so-called challenging students.  You are going to adore your classes EVERY YEAR!"

I like that thought, and her opinion of me.  She's absolutely correct.  So, instead of being soooo sad, I'm just going to continue to look forward to the next school year and the new mix of kids it'll bring me!

Fortunately, I'm most likely teaching a 3/4 split class, so I'm somewhat following this same group of kids from our school for third year.  I just won't have any of my current students in my class again specifically, though I will have a couple of students I taught back in first grade... so that will be nice!

So, it's the last four weeks and now I need to dive back in to those report cards!  Let me see what wonderful little things I can say about my students and their math abilities this afternoon...

Oh, and let me see how I can soothe this annoyingly sore throat!

Dads Deserve to be Healthy with @AdultEssentials #Giveaway

The men in our lives deserve to be as healthy as they can be and Adult Essentials can help them do that! What man doesn't love a good tasting gummy every once in a while, after all, many men are just kids at heart, right?! Adult Essentials taste so yummy that they are hard to turn down, in fact, they are difficult to forget because they taste THAT good! Adult Essentials are pectin based gummy vitamins that are:

• gluten free, nut free, dairy free
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My dad is the stubborn type who typically refuses to take vitamins of any kind... however, if he tried these and saw they were similar to a candy gummy (yet so healthy, but we'll keep that a secret!)... he would totally be on board with taking them.  It's just the trick he'd need to take them daily!  In fact, I'm going to bring my own bottle of these with me next time I see him to get him to give them a try!

Adult Essentials along with Multi-Testing Mommy and a group of amazing and influential bloggers are co-hosting a Dads Deserve to be Healthy Giveaway to celebrate Dads in Canada being healthy. Would you like to enter to win a handsome monogrammed black gym bag FULL of Adult Essentials for that important Dad in your life? Enter the Rafflecopter Form below.  

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Canadian Mental Health Week

May 7th through 13th marks Canadian Mental Health Week.  I have generalized anxiety disorder, and one of the best strategies that has always helped me through it is not having a fear of talking about it openly.  In fact, maybe it makes others uncomfortable... but it is MY coping device, I am not afraid to say, "I'm anxious. I have anxiety."

Lately I've heard about one too many suicides.  Two young people from my home town, acquaintances of my middle brother (age 23), committed suicide in April.  These suicides were unrelated coincidences, but it was surreal and very challenging for my brother to deal with them.  I can only imagine what the families have felt - utter devastation.

When something like that happens, the "should have", "would have", and "could have" curse hits.  Well, no one is at fault for these horrific tragedies.  However, mental health issues need to be recognized.  My brother says his generation feels like "a lost generation".  All they hear in the news is how there are no jobs, the economy is bad, house prices are so high young people cannot afford to buy... it's challenging, and depressing.  They are graduating from university programs with no prospects for employment, and are having to live at home longer because they cannot afford to live elsewhere -- even rent is expensive to live in a fairly decent place.

We need to allow those around us who are struggling with a mental health issue to have a safe space to speak their mind.  To say, "I'm depressed", to be comforted and heard, and directed towards help.  We need to remove a stigma of weakness and encourage those who need it to try therapies, even medications.  Chemical imbalances in the brain are real, and there are medications that can help.

If you are struggling, feeling low or anxious or just not like yourself -- seek help.  Turn to a professional, turn to a best friend, turn to your family.  Please.  Never be afraid to speak what's going on in your mind, and speak early... before the thoughts over take your sensibilities.

Even if you don't feel this way, keep in mind that changes throughout life can trigger mental health issues.  Find ways to de-stress from your work day, cope with ageing parents in a positive way, and try to exercise your mental capabilities as much as you do the rest of your body.  Take a look at a Yoga course, free your mind through a sport or activity you highly enjoy, and laugh -- do not forget the importance of smiles and laughter, the best medicine.

Best wishes through Mental Health Week.  Do not be afraid to speak up.  Your feelings are REAL, and they are to be valued as being real.  Help is out there.  Seek it, loudly and proudly.

I have generalized anxiety disorder.  I'm okay with this.  I'm a strong, capable, highly positive person.  I'm in control, here.

How about you?

Sick Day

I suppose the insomnia was leading up to something, ended up taking a sick day today.  Typically, I try to push myself through to the weekends... as booking a supply teacher and preparing the classroom is a big chore.  I also don't like to be away from my students, as we always have so much to do and I like to continue it from the day before as much as possible, rather than leaving activities in isolation or without enough back story so the supply teacher continues the lesson properly.  Anyway, booking supply teachers is a lot of work is all I'm saying.

However, I just needed the extra day of rest this week.  First, I didn't sleep well at the start of the week.  Then, Tuesday night, I got a pain through the back of my neck and up into my head.  All day at work yesterday I had a stiff neck and was just generally tired and uncomfortable.  I bit the bullet, prepped for today, and booked it off.  I was able to sleep in, and while I am stuffy and congested, my neck is a lot less stiff.  I've been tired and blaaargh today so I do believe it was worth it to take the day off.  Sometimes it's just necessary.

I was able to be productive this afternoon.  I did the classroom newsletter and calendar for April, and began preparing some things for upcoming wedding showers for Quin.  We just booked a trip to Las Vegas for the beginning of July, and we'll be doing a fun Bachelorette night there.  It's eight of us going to Vegas - 4 guys, 4 girls, all in the wedding party.  We're so excited, and most of us have never been there before.  There's lots happening (and already booked) this summer for Quin and Mac's September wedding, I can't believe how fast time is flying in 2012.

I mean, seriously, it's APRIL on Sunday!?  I don't know how we got here so quickly.  School ends three months from today!  I'm going to miss this great class of grade two students so much.  I'm really enjoying my job this year.

Well, I'm going to go have some supper and fold some laundry and then rest again for the evening.  I plan to be back at work tomorrow, after taking today to recoup.

Insomnia

So, ever since last week I've been having some really odd insomnia.  I'm over-anxious by nature, but this has been ridiculous.  After over a year of living alone, and being so proud of myself for it, how come NOW I'm having so much trouble sleeping through the night when I'm alone overnight?

Last week, I figured it had something to do with time-of-the-month-female-stuff.  I could hardly sleep on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday night but was better by the weekend.  Then, it happened again to me last night.  I couldn't fall asleep until nearly 1:30 am, then I woke up very anxious and awake ... glanced at the clock and saw it was only just after 3:00 am.  I was tossing and turning and unable to fall asleep again until close to 4 am. Then, I woke up again from a nightmare... and it was only 5:15 am.

I gave up on my bedroom, and turned on my TV and laid on the couch with a blanket and my pillow.  I decided to try not to fret over it, which only makes it worse after all, and I ended up falling back asleep -- but close to 6 am.  Next thing you know, my alarm was going off at 7.  I was finally feeling "sleepy"... so I stayed in bed for as much time as I could without making myself late for work (though I arrived later than I do other mornings, that's for sure).

It's time now for me to try to go to sleep, and I'm already anxious over the possibility I will sleep poorly again.  That is so not going to help the situation!  I feel like I'm getting into a self-fulfilling prophecy here.  The only thing going for me is how tired I am over the loss of sleep from last night... I hope that will make a difference.

I might just cut my losses and stay on my couch all night tonight, rather than even trying my room.  I can leave the TV on quietly or put it on a sleep timer and see if it helps.  I'm just so sick of waking up in an anxious, chest-tightness, fearful, sweating state just an hour or so after I finally fall asleep.  I'm also over the night terrors I'm having.  I'm a grown up, how come living alone makes me so anxious?!  I should be able to handle this better.

I don't have caffeine at night, and other than tonight I've been trying to limit "computer time" before bed because I know they say that makes it harder to sleep (though I'm not sure that's true for me, but I've been trying it).  I've tried getting in to bed earlier and reading, but the silence is too much and I get too anxious so I usually have to put on a DVD of Friends or something, and try to settle into bed earlier.


So, I need some insomnia tips... do you ever have trouble sleeping?  How do you deal with it?  And what could possibly be the cause of this random insomnia I'm struggling with right now?!

Review: Burt's Bees Natural Skin Solutions for Sensitive Skin

As a BzzAgent, I've been fortunate enough to try out Burt's Bees Natural Skin Solutions for Sensitive Skin.  I was able to try the Sensitive Facial Cleanser, and the Sensitive Daily Moisturizer.  I love that these products contain 99% natural ingredients, and are fragrance-free as well as hypo-allergenic.  This Sensitive Skin line contains cotton extract, which softens the skin quite nicely.

I tried both of these products for a week while forming an opinion about them.  There are many positive things about these products!  First of all, the packaging is very attractive.  I love the dispenser for the moisturizer.  I noticed that a little goes a long way, which would mean these products will last for awhile and be worth the cost.  The Facial Cleanser is priced typically starting at $12.99 CDN, and I only needed a little bit each time I washed my face.  This is really important to me, as high-quality skin care products can be expensive to replace if they run out too quickly.  I loved the way my skin felt after using these products.  After washing my face, I felt very clean and fresh, and my skin was very soft.  The moisturizer also left my face feeling soft all day.

There were a few issues I personally had with these products, however.  First, my skin has a tendency to break out.  I need a face wash that has a bit more acne control.  I would be, personally, more likely to continue to purchase my Burt's Bees deep pore cleanser than this particular Sensitive Skin cleanser.  Again, this is a personal issue of needing more oil and acne control based on my skin type.  Otherwise, I quite liked the facial cleanser and how my skin felt after using it.

A second issue I had was with the scent of the products.  They are fragrance-free, and my very sensitive-to-smell mother found the scents to be fine.  Personally, I was a bit turned off by the natural smell that the products had anyway.  I preferred the face cleanser to the moisturizer in this area, I didn't enjoy the scent of the moisturizer at all.  This, again, is a personal issue.  You, like my mother, might smell it and not notice anything at all.

My final issue with the facial moisturizer is that it does not contain any sun protection.  I always use a face cream with an SPF 15 or higher, therefore I would not continue to use this face cream in the future based on that.

I really love Burt's Bees products, and use them often.  If you have sensitive skin and are looking for a product line to try, I highly recommend giving this one a whirl.  There are other products in the line, including a Sensitive Night Cream and Sensitive Eye Cream.  I really did enjoy the feel of these products on my skin, there were just a few personal factors that I need to be honest about in my review.  Make sure to smell the products yourself before purchasing, just in case you feel the same as I do about the natural scent they have.

Disclosure: I received 1 each of the Sensitive Facial Cleanser and Sensitive Daily Moisturizer to review as a member of BzzAgent.com .  All opinions about the products are my own.

It's "Probably Nothing" {EDITED}

EDITED TO ADD:  Okay, spoke to the doctor's office this morning.  My blood tests were fine, and the other tests for my annual physical were fine, but apparently for some test or another I need to come back in six months instead of 12, because they didn't "get the cells" they need to test or something?  Whatever.  It's okay, it didn't seem like a big deal, but I just have to go back in 6 months instead of a year.  Phew!!!  Still isn't fun to wait to call a doctor's office back!!!

ORIGINAL POST:

I got home from work today, and at 4:45 pm noticed I had a new voice mail on my home phone.  I clicked play.

"Ms. Key, this is Dr. Doctor's office calling.  Can you please return the call at 555-1234?  Once again, I'm calling from Dr. Doctor's office.  Thank you."


The message was left at 11 am this morning.  I try calling back, and only get voice mail - they're probably already done for the day.

So, of course now I have to wait until TOMORROW to find out what they are calling about.  Three weeks ago I had my annual physical and blood work.  MOST LIKELY they are calling about the blood work, the past few years I've received calls -- first my iron was low, the next year my iron was fine but my B12 was low.  I didn't have a blood test last year, but this year I made sure to.  I still take B12 supplements regularly.  I'm darn near certain it's a call related to the blood test, I have no other symptoms of anything else possibly being wrong.

The thing is, being that it's been THREE WEEKS, I wasn't expecting them to call any more.  I figured I was outside of the window now of "we'll call you only if we see something concerning"!  I figured that would happen within two weeks of the appointment, maybe.  Three seems a bit long to wait if you're DYING.

So, anyway, of course, I'm anxious now!  It's no fun knowing the doctor's office wants you to call them, and then not being able to get through again until THE NEXT DAY!  I know for privacy reasons they can't say much on their voice mail, but a heads up over what they're about to tell me about would be nice!  Now I'm left to think about all the Worst Possible Situations!

I'm such a hypochondriac, this is SO NOT COOL!!!

So, it's "probably nothing", but STILL.  Now I have to WAIT.  AND THIS COULD BE THE END.

Do you watch Modern Family?  There was an episode this season in which Phil missed a call from his doctor's office and then proceeded to fear the worst throughout the episode.  Mr. Lock reminded me of it when I texted him that I missed this doctor's call myself today.  I feel EXACTLY like Phil did in that episode.

So, if I make it through the night, you'll hear from me again tomorrow.   If not... nice knowin' ya!

Eh... it's "probably nothing".  RIGHT?!  RIGHT?!

Review: Honibe Honey Lozenges

When I get sick, no matter what type of sick it turns out i'll be, my throat is always the first thing affected.  It gets itchy, blocked, congested, and sore.  I was approached by the good people at Honibe about reviewing their Honibe Honey Lozenges, and I was so happy to give them a try.  They sent me two packages of lozenges to try out - their Honey Lozenge with Menthol and Eucalyptus, and their Honey Lozenge with Lemon, Menthol and Eucalyptus.

The timing was perfect, because my mom had just had a bought of laryngitis and was beginning to develop a cough.  She was just as excited as I was to try this product, and she had only amazing things to say.  Her favourite were the honey lozenges with lemon, I personally enjoyed both flavours equally.

What my mom and I both said about these lozenges are that they have a lovely, smooth texture that doesn't get sticky.  They melt down at a nice rate, and if you don't bite them they will last long enough to enjoy them and reap the therapeutic benefits without getting tired of the menthol taste.  The menthol is good and strong - it helps you breathe a little easier when you're congested, but it's not so strong that it's overpowering or yucky to taste.  It's exactly the right menthol flavour that you'd want when using a lozenge if you have a cold or sore throat.  My mom and I both decided that these all-natural lozenges were delicious and did just the trick for our sensitive throats -- we looked up where we could purchase them locally very soon after trying them.

Information from Honibe:
Honibe™ - Honey Lozenges™ are made from 100% pure dried honey from Prince Edward Island. They are available in: Honey with Menthol and Eucalyptus, and Honey with Lemon, Menthol and Eucalyptus. Honibe™ - Honey Lozenges™ can be purchased in packages of 10 or 20 pieces. Honibe™ - Honey Lozenges™ are conveniently sized for easy transport in pockets, cars, briefcases or purses.

Why Honibe™ Honey Lozenges™ over other cough drops and throat lozenges?

Other cough drops and throat lozenges that are on the market are predominantly boiled sugar candy which is made from refined sugar base. Our lozenges contain over 99% honey and 1% of added natural therapeutic properties. The consumer is getting the same therapeutic benefits from the menthol and eucalyptus plus the natural health benefits of the honey, a natural, unrefined sugar.

Honey Health Facts

• Honey is rich in anti-oxidants, antimicrobial, and anti-inflammatory which helps to boost the immune system, fight diseases, and aid the body with cough and sore throat relief (ArborNutrition, 2009). Honey works in preventing and relieving the effects of infectious diseases by coating the throat.
• Penn State College of Medicine has shown that night-time coughing can be effectively treated through a single dose of honey (Penn State, 2007). This research is particularly useful for parents with children under six years old as the Food and Drug Administration recommends that children in this category not be given over-the-counter drugs.
• Honey is low in the glycaemic index compared to simple sugars which allows honey to be used to improve metabolic outcomes in diabetics (Arbor Nutrition, 2009).
  
  I highly recommend that you give these lozenges a try for yourself.  You can order through the Honibe website, or check out a list of locations that carry their products.  They also sell other all-natural honey products that I'm interested in trying out, such as their Honey Drop, which is essentially a tasty, dried honey sugar cube that can be used to sweeten tea or coffee more naturally than refined white sugar.  The company was featured on TV's Dragon's Den and has won awards for this food product.

Thanks, Honibe, for sending me a sample to try!  I thoroughly enjoyed your product!

My Sisterly Duty

My mom's side of the family has a Christmas get together the Saturday before Christmas.  This is the tradition for as long as I can remember.  My mom has six brothers, and my family is massive, so getting together on Christmas Day itself became too challenging.  Last year, I didn't attend the family party for the first time EVER because one of my aunt's switched to two Saturdays before Christmas, and I had already made plans.  Otherwise, I've always attended the party - most years, the party is hosted at my mom's house but some years it switches to one of my aunt's houses.

This year I was looking forward to attending the annual event.  It was last night.  Mr. Lock and I arrived early, and we enjoyed catching up with my aunt and uncle and greeting the rest of the guests as they arrived.  My dad, 13-year-old brother and grandmother arrived a little later than expected, just after 6 pm.  My mom and 22-year-old brother ("Miles"), were unexpectedly absent.  My dad pulled me aside, not wanting to wreck the party for all, to tell me that my mom just took Miles to the emergency room.

Apparently he was in the basement, and started screaming for my mom.  It was his head, he was in intense pain.  They didn't know what to do, it was so sudden, so they rushed him to the hospital.

We were waiting for an update from my mom.  She finally called to tell my dad that they were doing a CAT scan.  Of course at this point I'm feeling incrediby anxious and worried.  Finally she calls to say that they didn't see anything on the CAT scan, but they want to do another test to check his spinal fluid for blood.

Miles was refusing the test.  He heard there was a slight chance that if they missed they could hurt his spine and send him in to surgery.  He was scared, anxious, worked up... by this point more of my extended family at my aunt's house was worked up over the news of where Miles was and what happened.  They were all pushing for him to have the test... it would tell us if he had an aneurism or burst anything in his head.  My mom and dad wanted him to have the test.  But, he's 22-years-old.  If he tells the doctors no, then there's nothing his parents can do.

Miles and my mom have a long history of arguments.  Miles is as anxiety-ridden as I am, but has a lot less self-awareness and has a lot more difficulty coping.  He struggles, often, with certain situations because he also has Learning Disabilities and ADHD.  When he's having trouble coping with anything, I am the person he turns to.

I was at my aunt's house, ready to continue to enjoy my family party, but I was sudden so worried about my brother.  I knew I needed to go to the hospital, I knew he needed me to calm him down, to convince him to make an informed choice -- to do the very commonly done test to ensure he was healthy, before walking out of that hospital.

My uncle drove me to the hospital, and I ended up staying there for nearly 3 hours with my brother and my dad.  I calmed Miles down, we talked it out, he chose to do the test.  I was able to stay with him, and help him cope with another few hours in the ER.  He was angry and beligerent at times, but it was the right thing to do.  He needed me, I'm his go to person when he's scared and is trying hard not to show it to others.

It was a huge relief when the test results came back.  The spinal fluid was clear, so it must have been a migraine -- though it's apparently very rare for a migraine to hit that hard and that suddenly at my brothers age (according to the doctor).  We were so relieved, though, to know for sure that it wasn't something worse.

Miles was relieved too, and I know that even though he was scared to have that test done, he was able to sleep easier leaving the hospital knowing he was okay.  Today he called me, apologized for "acting like a jerk" (his words), and thanked me for coming to the hospital last night.

I may have missed the family party again this year, but if my brother needs me, I will be there for him.

(Mr. Lock, I should add, was a rock star.  He came with me to the hospital, but then I sent him back to the party.  He had only met some of those family members ONCE before, but he had a great time with them singing and playing guitar, he made a great impression.)

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Click here to enter the first of three contests to win a set of 4 movie passes to an early screening of Beauty and the Beast (in Disney Digital 3D) at Silvercity Yorkdale in Toronto on January 7th at 10:00 am! 

Giving Back - UNICEF Survival Gifts

My grade two class is currently learning about air and water in our environment, one of the grade two science units.  A big push is to help our students become critical thinkers, inquirers, and to see and understand problems in order to create solutions for their world.  We did an experiment one day where we split the children up into three groups - Canada, India, and Ethiopia.  Each group had to collect enough water to fill a bucket, but they had restrictions to help them somewhat experience what children in other countries experience where clean water and well systems are scarce. 

The Canadian group was able to fill their bucket from the tap.  The group from India was to take a smaller jar and fill their bucket in turns from a close water fountain.  The Ethopian group was to take a small dixie cup, and one at a time take turns gathering water from the far water fountain to fill their bucket.  As they thought of questions or comments during the activity, they were to write it down on a post-it note and stick it up on chart paper -- this is part of inquiry-based learning, not immediately answering all questions, but allowing thoughts to form and develop prior to teacher-led discussion.

It was powerful.  When the dixie cup was going soft and wasn't holding as much water, one of my students asked, "Why can't they just get more cups?".  I said, "Well, there aren't always supplies available.  They can't afford, and don't have, the option of going to a Walmart to buy new cups."  Then I added, "We're very lucky, remember, I wonder if we could do anything to help."

Another of my students, quite a keen little girl, spoke up, "WE could buy them cups!"  I said, "Maybe you can add that to our chart paper."

After the activity, we reviewed the thoughts and questions that were on the chart paper.  We spent quite awhile discussing the idea about people from Canada buying more cups for families in other countries.  I explained that this is called charity.  I explained that we are allowed to feel fortunate, and we need to feel it so we can appreciate it, but then we need to think about how we can use our good fortune to be powerful in our world.  How can we take what we're so lucky to have and help those in need?  The kids often hear me talk about being powerful, and helping others, we had a similarly deep discussion about this back in September when I did my cancer walk for The Weekend to End Women's Cancers and they did the Terry Fox walk at school.

The other day a flyer arrived from UNICEF, called UNICEF Survival Gifts.  I happened to have the flyer sitting on my desk, and one of my students noticed it.  He asked if he could look at it.  Next thing I know, he's sharing wonderful options of ways we can give back to countries "like Ethiopia" (his words).  He began to show other students in my class the UNICEF flyer, by his own initiative.

Today, during science, I sat my students down and we all looked through the Survival Gifts flyer together.  I told my students that I would make a donation on behalf of the class if they could help me choose what we wanted to give to those in need.  We made a short list, and then we voted.  Tonight, I ordered our gifts.  I just know tomorrow they'll be asking if I remembered to do it. 

Here's what we ordered:  the Bed Net, Plumpy'Nut therapeutic food packets, and Water Purification Tablets.  (I did not ask my class for monetary donations, I wanted to give back and wanted my students included in the process, I just gave them direction towards items within my personal budget range -- and there were lots of options, too).

I was so proud of my students, they wanted to give something to do with water because they are learning about how necessary clean water is for survival (hooray for demonstrating learning from our unit of study!).  They also voted in a way that helped spend my allotted donation amount on a variety of items, so they were able, at age seven, to recognize that it may be a way to help a wider variety of those in need.

I was really proud of them, and I'm looking forward to telling them tomorrow that the donation has been made.  I dedicate all of these donated items to my class.  I am in no way affiliated with UNICEF, this was just a meaningful and powerful experience with my students and I wanted to share.  When you think about giving back this holiday season, please consider including your children or students in the process -- it gives them a chance to learn about helping others and being charitable.

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I Made THIS Weekend Matter

This weekend, I walked.

I walked for 34 kilometres on Saturday, it took eight and a half hours.

I walked for 26 kilometres on Sunday, it took eight hours.

Quin and I raised $4573 for The Campbell Family Institute at Princess Margaret Hospital, a top five cancer research centre WORLDWIDE.

We walked with over 4000 people.  Together, we raised over $9.1 million.

We walked though we don't have cancer.  We walked because one day? We might.

We walked though our family members don't have cancer.  We walked because one day? They might.

We walked though our friends don't have cancer.  We walked because one day?  They might.

We walked because YOU don't, or do, or might have cancer.  We walked because YOUR family members don't, or do, or might have cancer.  We walked because YOUR friends don't, or do, or might have cancer.

We walked, because whatever happens in our future and whatever happens NOW, we want cancer treatment innovation and a CURE in our lifetime.  We DO NOT want cancer to be a death sentence.  We DO NOT want ANYONE to go through the physical pain of chemo and radiation, only to hear "it didn't work".

We walked, because we believe in our hearts that the amazing research team at the Princess Margaret Hospital will conquer cancer in our lifetime.

This weekend, I walked.

One day, I hope you might too.

http://www.endcancer.ca/

And The Anxiety Strikes Back

I am extremely anxious tonight.  Pit of my stomach nerves gone wild!  I'm not entirely sure why, it's actually been quite awhile since I've felt this way.  If you knew me from my old blog, or from my real life in general, you know that anxiety is just "me", but I've been really happy lately to be able to say that I've been much less anxious than I used to be.

I'm trying to come up with the cause of my anxiety, and I'm just not sure what's up.

I have been stupid and I watched parts of a couple of documentaries on The Movie Channel over the past few days.  I shouldn't watch unsolved mystery style documentaries, with the ominous music and creepy storytelling method and camera angles.  They ALWAYS make me overanxious and paranoid, ever since I was a kid when my grandma would watch 20/20 mysteries and I'd have trouble sleeping if I saw any part of it.  Dumb, dumb, dumb!

I've been living at my parents house for the past week and a half, and I've been home alone most of the time (my 22-year-old brother lives here too, but he works long hours and when he's not working he's out with friends and barely stays home).  Being alone in this house is stirring up the old anxiety I used to feel every time I stayed here alone growing up (always hated it as a teenager).  So, combine being home alone with my already anxious and paranoid state from the influence of the TV shows I watched... and it's hard to calm my nerves!

Lastly, I suppose ever since I began thinking about the upcoming school year and how much I still have to do to get ready, I've been feeling a little emotionally dysregulated during any time spent alone with few distractions. 

Otherwise, I don't know what else would be bothering me, because I haven't been drinking coffee so much lately (so it's not a caffeine issue), and it's not horomone 'time of the month' related either.

Living alone in my condo doesn't get me the way being here does.  I think it's because I feel safe being on the eighth floor of my building, in a smaller space (no basement, not so many closets and dark spaces), and knowing there are tons of people beside me and just across the hall from me.  I'm never as paranoid as I get after staying alone here.

I hate when anxiety hits me this way, when it's hard to shake the lightheadedness and nervousness and paranoia from my body.  It makes me feel frozen, like I just want to sit in one place and not move, because I feel so scared and numb.  This is the debilitating type of anxiety that I work so hard to be free of, because I want to live my life and never get to the point where I avoid doing anything because of my nerves.  Fortunately my family returns tomorrow and I get to head home to my condo, and hopefully shake this off and get back to the slightly less anxious person I've been over the past few months.

As usual, it feels better getting to type it out and talk about it.  Time to get up, stretch and shake out my frozen muscles, tell myself that I'm safe, I'm fine, there's no reason to be this nervous, and then get into bed and watch a sitcom or whatever else I can find on TV that's light and breezy.

Hopefully this will pass soon!

From Vacay to Sick Days, Part Three

I left off at our three hour drive last Wednesday.  We headed up to the cottage that Mr. Lock's parents have rented for years -- his whole childhood he can remember summer vacations for two weeks up at this cottage.  It was lovely!  We stayed there from Wednesday night until last Saturday morning.  It was so relaxing and peaceful after the busy, busy, busy few days we spent in New York.  A perfect holiday balance -- sightseeing and walking all over a new place, followed by laying low and relaxing on a dock at a cottage.

We had gorgeous weather all last week in both locations.  The only rainy day was our Wednesday travel day, which worked out perfectly.  At the cottage, I lounged around in the sun reading my book, and we swam in the lake, and went for a boat ride and fishing.  We also roasted marshmallows, and played a lengthy game of Trivial Pursuit.  Oh, and Mr. Lock and I totally beat his parents at Euchre!  Go team us!

It was a perfect holiday week, and it was sad heading home on Saturday knowing it was over.  Though, Saturday was busy enough in itself.  That night we had Dr. McVet and her Fiance's Stag and Doe, so we had to get ready to run events there.  It was a success, and I really enjoyed myself.

Until it was just about time to leave, when I suddenly had an INTENSELY sore throat!  I was confused -- I felt fine, and then all of the sudden, it was hugely painful whenever I swallowed.  By the time we got home, I had aches and pains and ended up falling into bed shaking, with Advil in my system to help me sleep.  Sunday, I had to come to my parents place to stay here for two weeks with my puppy while the family is on holiday.  I had to take Advil every four hours to get through Sunday, and Sunday night I barely slept because of running a high fever and having difficulty controlling my body temperature.

So, vacay turned to sick days.  I had to take Monday through Wednesday off from nannying, the days that were supposed to be my first days back after my holiday week.  My 22-year-old brother (who is also here with me, but who words shift work so is here at odd times) took me to the clinic on Monday because I couldn't drive myself, and the doctor said it looked like a throat infection so he wrote me up a prescription.  It took until Wednesday to start to feel a bit more like myself, though with a sore ear and some congestion remaining.  Finally, I returned to work yesterday and today I finished my antibiotics.  I feel a lot better, with just a bit of congestion and a stuffy nose.

Just in time for City Chase tomorrow... good thing I feel better!  Last year, City Chase was a pretty intense physical challenge!  I'm excited to do it again, but I'm worried about how tired I'm going to be afterwards.  I think Quin and I will take it just a bit less competitively this time around.  I'll update next week about City Chase, and how it all went down after this week of being sick!